Tuesday, August 28, 2007


My good friends, Meg and Charlotte, both had baby boys on Sunday! Hudson Babb weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Roeland Carroll weighed 7 pounds, 11 ounces. Both Meg and Charlotte had amazing deliveries and are headed home today with their sweet babies.
My friend Jennifer, Charlotte's sister, called me from the hospital just minutes after Roeland was born. In the background, I could hear the bustle of the hospital staff, excited friends and family, and that sweet newborn cry. And do you know what I felt (besides extreme excitement for Charlotte, happiness, etc.)? JEALOUSY. I, who have a two month old, was jealous of Charlotte for having a newborn!!! Am I CRAZY?
There is just something so magical, so surreal, about those first few days with a new baby. Time almost stands still. I absolutely love those days in the hospital when you just spend hours getting to know this new little person who will and already has, altered your life forever. I think that is one of the amazing things about having a baby. For nine months you think about and plan for this new little person. It is so exciting b/c you already know without a shadow of a doubt that you will love him so much that it is sometimes physically painful. Who else do you know you will feel that way about before you ever even meet them?
Caedmon is about to turn five in October. I feel a lump in my throat just typing that. The time is flying by. Matt and I have the looming decision of where to send him to school next year. I am terrified. I don't want to move into this next phase...I want my boys to stay little, for just a while longer.
I think that is one thing I love about having a baby. As long as I have an infant, I feel like we are still young, we aren't moving into this next phase, that our children aren't growing and becoming more independent. There are a few problems with this logic. For one, I can't just keep having babies for the sake of having a baby. They do grow up. Nothing I can do about that. Someday they will be teenagers. Yikes. Also, whether I have a baby or not, Caed will be in kindergarten next year. Nothing I can do about that either. I am going to have to learn to embrace it and how much he is changing, sad as it is.

Sometimes I feel like Bauer gets the short end of the stick, being number three...especially following in wild child Landing's wake. But, I think I appreciate Bauer more than I have my last two. My time alone with him is pretty much limited to when Landing is napping, or at night when the others are in bed. He is an easy, happy, smiley baby. He seems almost thoughtful, wise. I love to sit and hold him, with his little head on my chest, feeling him sleep. Having a baby forces you to slow down (especially if you nurse). I appreciate that. And I don't want it to end. I can't believe that I already have three children. I feel like my life is flying by...and as the boys are getting bigger, it is going faster and faster. I can't imagine what it is like with teenagers!
I have to figure out how to make the most of this time. Yes, sometimes I want to pull my hair out or change my name and run away to somewhere tropical...but this is also an amazing, sweet time full of simple joys. I want to continue to reduce the non essential chaos of life so I can more fully experience the joys of motherhood. Cutting out Wal.mart, getting up early and doing much of the housework, paperwork, etc. before the boys get up, staying home, choosing simplicity...all these acts hopefully aid me in my attempts to focus on the really important and eternal task of raising and enjoying my boys.

1 comment:

  1. you are making my womb ache. seriously. i can feel the clock tickin' inside me....