Wednesday, April 29, 2009

DISCLOSUREI read blogs that encourage me. The ones that I continue to return to are the ones that promote simplicity, beauty in the every day, contentment with where we are, domesticity. Those are things that I try to focus on in my blog too. There are lots of less than pleasant things that go on in our home on a daily basis...temper tantrums, impatience, overflowing laundry, last night's dishes in the sink. But those aren't the things that I want to remember, so those aren't the things that I typically blog about.

Today though, I feel compelled to tell you that life as a mother has been really, really challenging for me these last six or so months. I have been/am really struggling. April in particular, has seemed especially daunting. Pregnancy is always a very trying time for me. Even this pregnancy, which has (so far) been pretty easy, especially compared to my other pregnancies, has been challenging. Aside from the normal physical aches and pains of pregnancy, the emotional/mental aspect is a real doozy for me. I feel like I could snap at any moment. My patience flies out the window. And, as a result, I second guess myself as a mother constantly. I wonder how I could possibly have another child, when I obviously am not fit to take care of the ones I have, blah blah blah.

Anyway, my point of all this is to say...I don't know...I guess for the people who know me in real life, my blog might seem like a big disconnect, maybe an alternate reality. It isn't!! I love my family and little green house and being domestic. But it is also really hard sometimes. Everyone's life is hard. We all know that. Mine isn't any harder than anyone else's.
When I look back on this time with small children, I want to remember them happily playing in boxes in the yard and eating homemade popsicles and making bread with me. I don't want to remember that today I yelled at them for jumping on my (just made) bed with their shoes on and telling them that they were making me insane. I want to remember them bringing me flowers. I want to remember snuggling up on the couch with a stack of books.

So, please know, I am not trying to be disingenuous. I am just trying to dwell on the good, happy aspects of daily life. And there is plenty to dwell on! I know that full well. Right now, I am just having to look for those moments a little harder.

12 comments:

  1. Laurel,we all have times like this.It will get better.I miss mine being little.Now they are all married with kids of thier own!I have 10 Grands.It will get better.Sending you lots of hugs!

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  2. Remember what it's like AFTER the baby gets here. Think on that often, and maybe it will help you get through the rest of your pregnancy. You're coming into the home stretch! No pun intended!

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  3. Don't be so hard on yourself! We all go through those moments. I only have two and I often feel I am going to snap. For example, yesterday I was explaining to Drew (2 yrs old) why making a bridge from the couch to the coffee table with pillows was a bad idea...he looked me in the eye and hit me in the face! This is soooo unlike my child. I felt the rage hit and I just got up and walked away. Now I can laugh about it, but yesterday I was worried that Chad would get home and we would have one less child :)

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  4. I feel the same about my blog. It's easy to feel insincere, but I want to focus on the good moments, not the crazy ones, too. Hang in there! I know the emotions can get wild during pregnacy. During my last pregnancy, my 5 year old told me she never wants to have a baby, because she "doesn't want to be mean and not play Go Fish." Yep, I felt just great about myself! Actually, I ran ,crying, from the room. Thankfully, I can laugh about it now!

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  5. Oh Laurel. I know you and I love your blog. It is refreshing to read, and to know what your heart is focusing on. Seeing beauty in the midst of chaos is an art, and I love that about you. You simplify this crazy, hectic world we live in and your smile is so engaging. I see your smile throgh your blog. Keep up the happiness!
    love you!

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  6. Thanks for your honesty and openness, but I don't think you're insincere, I think you just do a great job of living out Philippians 4:8 and focusing on the admirable, praiseworthy and lovely, and of allowing God to use your words as an encouragement to others!

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  7. I love your blog. Just think, blogging about all the good things will insure that they have a place to look back at and see all the good things they did with Momma.
    P.S. I like the kind of blogs that you mentioned in your post. That is why I come here;-).

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  8. Thanks for your honesty! It's so easy to read people's blogs and get a selective view of life. My mom reminded me today not to get discouraged with real life in all of it's ordinary, not pretty days, as well as the simple beauty that is always there if we know where to look. Thank you for highlighting the beauty in your household, and also for being real enough to talk about what comes along with that beauty. Motherhood is hard, especially when you care alot!

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  9. Your blog is on my "favorites" list because you do come across as a real person who happens to enjoy nature, simple things and being a wife & mother. I don't think there is anything disingenuous here at all! Keep doing your thing!

    I really enjoy that your blog is a quiet sanctuary. Don't worry about disclosing the messy side of things. . . it's your blog, you do what you want!

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  10. Hi Laurel,

    You should check out this "sun-shiny", "happiness in a blog" webpage. My mom told me about it and I'm hooked. http://www.sugarpiefarmhouse.com/blog

    I can't say that I understand the feelings...with the pregnancy. Unfortunately Chris and I haven't been able to have another. All in God's timing I know. I have those crazy insane days with Bekah and when I am too harsh with her, I feel so guilty, but then my mom reminds me that alot of our feelings of being too hard don't come across and they are internal. She only sees I got after her (generally from doing something wrong) and that she should have obeyed. She doesn't see the guilt of having been too hard on her. I think we beat ourselves up way more than necessary. Love ya! Misti

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  11. Phew! This post is actually a relief for me because normally what you write about is what I strive for but rarely achieve for any serious length of time. How nice to know even you have difficulty some times.

    I think all mothers struggle with this. There's comfort in knowing none of us are perfect.

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  12. I hear you loud and clear. It can be so overwhelming at times. I feel certain our children will only remember the good things!

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