I am struggling lately. As most know, I am pregnant with baby #3...8 weeks along today, as a matter of fact. I am feeling very tired and queasy, which is why I am struggling. Lately, I have had to choose how to spend the little energy I have: taking care of the boys or taking care of my house. You can guess which one(s) have received my attention. So, my house is a wreck. And I am finding myself retreating to my in-laws or my mom's to avoid the frustration of facing my messy house. Which makes me even more frustrated because I love, love, love my house!!! And I don't want to dread coming home. When I am not pregnant, I regularly get up around 6 am and get the majority of the housework, devotions, dressed, etc. done while the rest of the house is sleeping. This practice keeps my life running smoothly, for the most part. Sleep is just one thing I can't part with right now and so I have not been getting up early...and thus, the disastrous house.
Why is it that so much of my happiness is dependent on the state of my surroundings? That too, is frustrating. I should be thankful in ALL situations. Pregnancy and having small children shows me my sin and inadequacies (sp?) like nothing else.
I am trying to keep flylady's mantra running in my head "I can do anything for 15 minutes". Truely, my house could be presentable in about 3, 15 minute blocks of cleaning time. Thankfully, my sweet hubby has kept on top of the dishes and laundry and often picking up clutter without me asking him and without resentment on his part. That is a blessing. I came home from a trip earlier this week and the house was immaculate. He had even changed the sheets, because he remembered that I had mentioned a few weeks ago how nice it feels to snuggle into bed at night with fresh clean sheets. How sweet of him.
One thing I am realizing, with my third pregnancy, is that pregnancy is really not that big a deal in the bigger scheme of things. With my first, it was all-consuming. I thought everyone was looking at me, everyone was thinking about my pregnancy as much as I was. I knew how far along I was down to the day. Well, thankfully, subsequent pregnancies aren't quite so ego-centric. I don't even think about it many times, except for the nausea. And I am realizing that the responsibilities and obligations of a mother, wife, daughter, friend, etc. don't disappear just because I am pregnant. I may not feel well, but Landing still needs his diapers changed. Bummer. I would much rather just lie around on the couch and watch Project Runway reruns.
That is one thing I really appreciate about being a mother. It FORCES you to not be selfish. You simply can't care more about yourself than your children.
Taking care of my house is an area where I am falling behind. My kids don't really notice. My hubby does though. And I do. So, I am going to say TTFN and go spend 15 minutes power cleaning.