Somehow it has been two whole months since I posted last. Not sure how time slips away so quickly. Here at home, we have been enjoying the Christmas season in small ways. Last year at Christmas time, I started these stockings. My dear mother finished them for me yesterday. I'm really happy with how they turned out.
In truth, I have been struggling to find that joy that I have been so earnest about. Reading back over that post, I wonder if I have grown at all over the past year. I still feel the same way as I did then, much of the time.
A lot of it is expectations.
When I snuggle up with my children in front of the fire, hot chocolate in hand, ready to read Christmas stories before nap time, I expect them to just happily curl up next to me, and listen to the story. The reality is more likely spilled chocolate, whining because they can't see a page, or "so and so is touching me", or "so and so got to sit next to you last time, it's my turn", or "I don't want to read a story, I want to play with my friends", etc.
Over the last few days, I have been trying to adjust my expectations, again. The to-do list, already simple, is pared down further. I delete Facebook from my phone, again. Making conscious decisions to be focused on the PEOPLE not the experience I want to create. It isn't easy for me, doesn't come naturally. But I know it's important, so I keep trying.
And I mess up, over and over again.
My kids fight and whine and I get angry, raise my voice, eventually apologize.
Repeat.
It's real and it's messy and it's exactly why I need Jesus. And it's what we are celebrating this season.
Over and over again, my mantra: "My ministry is where my feet are. I am choosing Joy."
I hope that your holidays are joyful and filled with hope, in the midst of the messiness!
